The other night Bethie woke up quite early in the morning. And cried. And wouldn't be comforted. So finally I got her up and laid with her on the new sofa. And we snuggled.
At other times in my life I may have resented being up with a fussy baby while everyone else got to be sleeping. I knew as I was laying there with her that it would make for a very long day when all the kids woke up and started the day.
But this time I didn't mind. I laid there and treasured the moments. Because just a month earlier we were in the living room, and all the sudden Matt said, "Mama- Beth looks funny." I looked over there and she was laying on her back, not breathing.
All rational though leaves when you see your baby turn blue.
I thought maybe she had choked on something, so I snatched her limp body and tried to remember how to do the Heimlich. I couldn't. I couldn't remember that, I couldn't remember how to do CPR. I couldn't think straight about anything except that my baby wasn't breathing.
She finally started coughing weakly and then breathing normally again. She was dazed for a half hour or so, but soon returned to normal. I don't think I have yet accomplished the same thing.
We went to a pediatric neurologist who ran an EEG... it showed nothing. He sent us to cardiology to do an EKG and that turned up abnormal. So far we don't know anything since we don't see the cardiologist until next Tuesday. It may be a glitch in the machine, and all may be fine. It may be something else. We still have to wait to see. She had a second episode of not breathing just two days ago. I'm a little on edge, to say the least.
So that early morning, Bethie and I laid there and snuggled, and I thanked God that she was here to hug. And I listened to her babble... "Anna. Doggie. Cow. Cat. Meow. Brown Bear, Brown Bear, what do you see?" and on and on and on. But just as I was rubbing her back and reveling in her sweet warmth I heard, "Mommy. I love you Mommy."
And that is what being a Mama is all about. I love you too, Bethie.
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